Mind Readings: Peer Pressure

In today's episode, let's talk about let's talk about peer pressure. I was at an event recently, and as uh as I do, I was wearing my super heavy duty uh Gentex Ops Core uh mask, my uh tactical respirator, which makes me look like Bane. Um really cool, very comfortable. And I was at a party, and this colleague of mine uh says, Oh man, look at you uh representing uh wearing a mask, you know, doing the right thing. And then this person was saying, you know, my my my partner was on my case making sure that I was gonna uh wear a mask this week.

And he goes, but uh I just I I just feel such peer pressure when I'm at these things to not wear a mask because nobody else is. And you can just imagine a little you know needle on the record scratching noise. My my like, what I'm sorry, did you what what did you decide? Did you just say you feel peer pressure to not wear a mask? I was stunned.

I was absolutely stunned. I appreciated my colleagues, you know, uh honesty. And yeah, it doesn't matter to me one way or the other whether somebody else wears a mask around me or not. I wear a mask because A, um, it keeps me safe, and B, because it looks really cool, uh, and C, it's super comfortable. Um so, you know, I have no I I really don't care one way or the other whether someone else is wearing a mask around me or not.

Uh it doesn't make me feel better or worse uh in any event. But listening to that person say that they felt such peer pressure as a grown adult, right? As a because this person's probably around my age, the 40s. I was speechless, I was absolutely speechless. How much does the opinion of somebody else matter to you?

I didn't I did not say this out loud to my friend because I just wanted to let them uh enjoy their evening. But that's that's what occurs to me. How much does someone else's opinion matter to you? Is it matters so much that in a pandemic, which we're still in uh as of you know 2022, you would take additional risk, which you could avoid, you could avert, but you don't because you value the opinions of other people more than you value taking care of yourself. And we see this play out in so many different aspects of life, right?

We see people buy status objects, cars and houses and all sorts of things because of the the gratification, the stimulus that they get from their peers about what their purchase, right? It it makes them feel better about themselves. And to me, that seems like something we should have left behind a while ago. Right. Like it was totally normal in high school, you know, and when we were in our teens, uh, who had the coolest, you know, backpack or the nicest clothes or whatever.

But once you get out and about in the world and you start realizing that the only person who's really responsible for your happiness is you, that stuff should start to fade away. That stuff should start to fall apart when realizing that somebody else's opinion of you, particularly if that person's not paying you money, uh, or um involved with you in a rel in a uh a romantic relationship or an intimate relationship, why does their opinion matter? If I go to an event and everyone else is not wearing a mask, I'm wearing a mask because I like it. Um it doesn't occur to me to think, oh gosh, I wonder what these other people are gonna think of me. I don't really care.

I mean, not to say that I don't appreciate the people around me, but their opinion has nothing to do with me, and my opinion has nothing to do with them, right? Whether or not somebody else is wearing a mask again doesn't matter to me. Right? I can express my opinion to them if they ask for it. I don't feel they need to express my opinion uh if they don't, because it's otherwise not my business.

You know, you you live your life the way you want to. Uh I'll live the my life the way I want to. But to have someone, and this is, you know, we're all this is a uh a group of folks who are uh similar to me. We're all public speakers, we're all reasonably well known with our industry. Just to hear that expression of still feeling peer pressure at you know four decades of age was really shocking and my hope my hope is that for all of us that's something that we transcend that's something we leave behind right to say you know what I'm gonna dress the way I want or I'm going to uh be involved in relationships with the people I want I'm gonna wear the the protective measures that I want in the pandemic and be okay with that and be okay with if other people like oh he's wearing a mask like so what I was thinking about why this stuff doesn't bother me as much and I think it has a lot to do with you know the martial arts experience I've had over you know the last 30 some odd years you realize very quickly that when you're for example my my black belt test was basically an organized mugging right um it gives you a lot of perspective when you're sitting in a room full of people and they're not beating you up it's like okay cool this is great you know someone's saying oh well you know look at Chris he's got that weird mask yeah and you're not punching me in the face so I I feel like things are are going pretty well compared to some of the days I've had um you know if there's somebody if there's four guys like you know holding me down somebody's punching me in the face that's pretty severe right that's that's feedback that is harder to deal with than somebody saying you know uh making snarky remarks about what I'm wearing.

So I'm I hope that in your own life if peer pressure is something that bothers you that you can find the perspective you need to free yourself from it to put in a little box and put it aside and say, you know what? I'm gonna do the things that make me happy, or the things that make me feel safe, or the things that you enjoy. And whatever someone else's opinion of it is, they're entitled to their opinion, but they're not entitled to make you change because of their opinion. So give that some thought. Give that some thought.

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