Die In A Fire
Of the many expressions online that I really dislike, topping the list has got to be “die in a fire”. Like virtually every other Internet expression, it’s bandied about carelessly, and the people who use it probably don’t think about it a whole lot. So here’s a bit of perspective in the hopes that at least for the more thoughtful, careful, and socially sensitive people in the group of folks I like to call friends, we can retire this awful phrase.
When you’re caught in a fire, the first thing that generally happens is that the hair and surface skin burns, usually very quickly. Anyone who’s singed themselves while cooking or tending a fireplace has gotten a taste of what this is like. The skin cracks, the hair burns off, and the nerve endings all fire at the same time, communicating only one thing – you’re in a heck of a lot of trouble and pain.
As your body heats up from the fire, the fat underneath the skin melts. As with all animal fats, it melts at a relatively low heat point, instantly causing some skin to slough off in flakes and sheets. Your eyes will be especially affected – the eyelids are thin tissue and will be destroyed relatively quickly, but the liquid eyeball itself will boil first, then burst, and only then burn.
If you’re exposed to direct flame, you will catch fire just like a wick in a wax candle. At this point, if you’re lucky, you’ll have a low tolerance for pain, fall unconscious, and never wake up.
If you’re not lucky, you may live long enough to watch your body fall apart. Incidentally, the voice box is relatively well protected by heavy cartilage and muscle, so if you’re still conscious, you can still scream.
Once the skin and surface tissue have melted and burned away, the proteins making up tissue and muscle are the next to cook, then burn. Internal organs heat to the boiling point, then explode, and as the muscles burn away, they too dry up, wither, and burn away.
If the fire’s not particularly hot, what will be left will be a skeleton with carbonized tissue attached to it. If the fire is sufficiently hot, the proteins that bind the minerals in your bones will burn away as well, causing your bones to fall to ashes.
This is what it means to die in a fire. To wish that on anyone, even casually or in jest, is to wish them one of the most painful ways to leave this mortal coil.
If you’d like to see what happens when you only get injured by fire, take a look at Youssif, an Iraqi boy doused in gasoline and lit on fire.
Now, can we retire that expression?
post-script: in case you were wondering where the expression crossed my radar, someone invited to a Facebook group named People who Type Like This Can Die in a Fire. Needless to say, I declined the invitation (and the subsequent zombie requests as well)
THANK YOU for saying what I’ve been thinking. I’m not even sure how it developed, but all of a sudden the expression is everywhere.
I’m definitely not prudish by any means, but DIAF has always seemed like an extremely insensitive and overly nasty thing with which to curse someone. This is especially true if you notice the frivolous context in which it is often used.
Please let this expression run its course. It really isn’t cool! What was wrong with the old expletives that this one had to be created? 🙂
THANK YOU for saying what I’ve been thinking. I’m not even sure how it developed, but all of a sudden the expression is everywhere.
I’m definitely not prudish by any means, but DIAF has always seemed like an extremely insensitive and overly nasty thing with which to curse someone. This is especially true if you notice the frivolous context in which it is often used.
Please let this expression run its course. It really isn’t cool! What was wrong with the old expletives that this one had to be created? 🙂
Agreed – or come up with some more fun ones, Monty Python style – I wave my private parts in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Agreed – or come up with some more fun ones, Monty Python style – I wave my private parts in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Hey Chris-
Before I worked in the corporate production business I was a firefighter for many years fighting wildland fires and structure fires. I knew a few folks who had been burned plus removed a few charred bodies. Its not a way I want to die. (most died of smoke inhalation)I also have been burned several times. It hurts. On one hand we used gallows humor to offset the horror. Joking about the things made us mask our real emotions. Calling a burned person Mr. Chrispy just kept you from really thinking about the situation at hand.
In this case what you are talking about, when I hear this from someone who hasn’t been in this situation I immediately think what a douche bag this person is. Thank you for this and all your posts. I enjoy your blog and I don’t really give a rats ass about financial aid. 🙂
Hey Chris-
Before I worked in the corporate production business I was a firefighter for many years fighting wildland fires and structure fires. I knew a few folks who had been burned plus removed a few charred bodies. Its not a way I want to die. (most died of smoke inhalation)I also have been burned several times. It hurts. On one hand we used gallows humor to offset the horror. Joking about the things made us mask our real emotions. Calling a burned person Mr. Chrispy just kept you from really thinking about the situation at hand.
In this case what you are talking about, when I hear this from someone who hasn’t been in this situation I immediately think what a douche bag this person is. Thank you for this and all your posts. I enjoy your blog and I don’t really give a rats ass about financial aid. 🙂
Good for you for posting this! There are so many expressions (and jokes) that I always found in poor judgement yet people insist they’re only harmless figures of speech and self-censorship if you think otherwise. I like the idea of the Monty Python-esque sayings. It hurts nobody.
Good for you for posting this! There are so many expressions (and jokes) that I always found in poor judgement yet people insist they’re only harmless figures of speech and self-censorship if you think otherwise. I like the idea of the Monty Python-esque sayings. It hurts nobody.
Great post thanks for it!
Whatever – DIAF
Just kidding! It's a terrible expression.
Whatever – DIAF
Just kidding! It’s a terrible expression.
Whatever – DIAF
Just kidding! It's a terrible expression.
Nice guilt trip.. Die In a Fire, Plz
U NO WAT 2 DUE!!!!! DIAF!!
I use it *because* I want to be nasty: I know what happens when one dies in a fire, and I want that to occur to the horrid person. That’s what gris-gris is for.
no