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A Choice with Grief

You have a choice with grief that results from loss, from death. On the one hand, you can choose to let it consume you, to let it haunt you, sapping your vitality away, until all that is left is a mere shell of what once was a human being. This was the fate of my grandmother after her husband of 50 years died. She lingered on for years after, but her heart and soul died with her husband, and her body just needed to catch up.

On the other hand, you can transmute grief. You can transform it into raw motivation, motivation to do great things, accomplish great works, help as many people as you can, in the name of the person you’ve lost, until their name outshines the grief, banishing the darkness with the light you dedicate to them. Your grief can be fuel for the fires of creation, solution, and that grief can change the world, make it a better place for all who survive the one who was lost.

How will you honor the ones you’ve lost?

Seems I lost my my status quo.
I looked up one day, you were pulled away
now I ain’t got much to show.
Where you’ve gone to I don’t know,
But I can love you.

And if you love me I can hold on tight,
and if you love me I won’t fall off this ride.
And if you love me I can go anywhere.

So I will wait for you I swear.
The night feels like it’s unending,
but I don’t care.
And I will wait for you I swear.
The sun’s coming up in the morning
and I’ll be there.

Every step just makes me tired.
Every answer brings more questions.
Though I try to feel inspired,
I can’t change the way I’m wired,
but I can love you.

And if you love me you can heal my scars.
and if you love me I’ll move to the stars.
And if you love me I can bend but I won’t tear.

When it’s done we’re not alone–
the door opens on its own
and we will come home.

Matthew Ebel

Dedicated to Ashley Spencer’s kids.