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Yes, folks, download my iPhone app! (iTunes required)

It’s got some AMAZING features that will make it stand out from every other iPhone app out there:

  • It will regularly track your movements via GPS and silently upload them to my Google Earth master map, letting me watch wherever you are on the planet in real time.
  • It will silently disable the airplane mode so I can track you in flight. Take that, TSA!
  • On a regular basis, it will silently sync your contacts to my secret mailing list database and mark them as double opt-in with your phone’s IP address as the confirmation IP for verification purposes.
  • Your phone will automatically sort through all the photos in its library and using a brand new algorithm, will mail me the most incriminating ones. As a bonus, you’ll find them all in iPhoto tagged with “blackmail”.
  • Taking advantage of the iPhone’s powerful GPS and media capabilities, any time the phone detects that it’s some place important, like Congress, your bank, or your corporate headquarters, it will silently activate the microphone and camera, record everything that’s going on, and mail it to me.

Of course, all of these innovative features will happen behind the scenes, so to make sure YOU get some benefit out of my iPhone app, it will randomly display pictures of adorable kittens. Meow!


Yes, I’m joking (or am I?). That said, every time you install an app on your iPhone, you have absolutely no way of verifying the codebase or knowing what you’re putting on your phone. You don’t know what the app does behind the scenes.

If you have anything of importance on your phone, personal or corporate, think real carefully before loading it up willy-nilly  with third party applications, even ones “blessed” by Apple, Google, or others. If you don’t need it, uninstall it. Better yet, don’t install it in the first place. From time to time, back up your device, format it, and restore your data and current applications only.

Enjoy the kittens.

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