Hazardous Thanksgiving Turkey Stuffing Recipe

Every year at the office potluck, I try to find new and different ways to make stuffing that requires the largest, longest possible warning sign while still being delicious. Why? It’s the fun and challenge of kitchen chemistry. Fortunately, lots of people bring different kinds of stuffing, so it’s not as though mine were the only one available. I also print out the warning sign next to the serving dish so that no one mistakes it for ordinary stuffing.

Your Responsibility

If you make this dish, you too have a responsibility to disclose its contents and provide warnings to people with allergies. Allergic reactions to food can have serious, even life-threatening consequences, so please use this recipe responsibly.

Feel free to download and print out the warning sign I use.

Ingredients

Visible Solids

• 2 packages Pepperidge Farm seasoned bread stuffing, non-organic, GMO
• 1 cup of mushrooms, finely chopped
• 1 cup of onions, finely chopped
• 1 cup of carrots, finely chopped
• 2 tablespoons garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
• 1/4 cup unsalted mixed tree nuts – pistachio, almond, walnut, and cashew, finely chopped
• 2 tablespoons unsalted peanuts, finely chopped
• 2 tablespoons parmesan cheese
• 1 cup rendered bacon, finely chopped

Liquid Base

• 1 teaspoon of Aji-no-moto hondashi fish soup stock powder (with MSG)
• 1 teaspoon of Chinese oyster sauce
• 1 teaspoon of regular ketchup, non-organic, GMO
• 4 cups of water, unfiltered
• 1 teaspoon of honey, with pollen
• 1 egg

Frying Base

• 1 stick of unsalted butter, non-organic
• 1 teaspoon sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon soybean oil
• 1 tablespoon bacon grease

Directions

• Render bacon in pan or skillet.
• Remove and drain bacon. Allow to cool. Set aside grease.
• In a very large skillet or wok, melt butter and mix with soybean oil, sesame oil, and bacon grease.
• Add chopped nuts, garlic, and sesame seeds. Fry until nut meats begin to turn translucent. Do not permit contents to burn.
• Add all vegetables to pan and cook until onions begin to turn translucent.
• Put contents of skillet into large metal bowl.
• Add all liquid base components to bowl.
• Stir vigorously until liquids are blended thoroughly.
• Add all remaining solids and stir vigorously until thoroughly mixed.
• Cover bowl with aluminum foil and place in 375F oven for 90 minutes, checking and stirring contents every 30 minutes.
• Print out the included warning sign to alert people with food allergies and religious dietary restrictions.
• Serve.

Some Notes

If you make substitutions, particularly on the liquids, watch your sodium counts. One substitution, like a chicken broth, could make the dish inedible because it would put the salt content over the top.

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