Bridges

Road trip March 2009

In this excellent read about why things feel more divided than ever, Chel Wolverton points out a number of important items. If you haven’t read the post yet, go do so.

Welcome back. There’s an underlying subtlety that I think is worth pointing out. The nature of our relationships to large groups of people today has changed. In the old days, we had our local community, and our reach and influence didn’t extend much beyond that. Power for the average person was a circle of friends at the bar or bowling alley, but beyond a few elite, no one had reach or influence over large groups of people.

Today, that’s changed. Now the average person can, if so desired, put together large groups of people. 55,000 people follow me on Twitter, as an example, and I have neither enormous wealth or massive fame to create that, so that pegs me as being average. Even if you assume that 50% are robots and 10% actually read what I share ever, that’s still 2,750 people, which is larger than a lot of towns. There are kids on YouTube with audiences and followings in the millions. That’s a lot of power, and spoken so truly by Emperor Palpatine, all who have power are afraid to lose it.

That fear of losing power, that fear of forfeiting the base that you’ve created, tends to make you protective of it, which in turn tends to make you antagonistic to those around you who are not part of it. These are the subtle dynamics that are amplified often into cults, where groups of people vilify others to remind themselves why they’re there and drinking strangely purple Kool Aid. These are the subtle dynamics that create cult leaders. An excellent TED talk by Jonathan Haidt put it best: when we as humans do something as a group, we transform the mundane into the sacred simply by virtue of getting others to buy in.

Ask yourself this: do you know someone in social media who you respect and look up to? Because of that respect, do you elevate what they have to say to the point where sometimes you don’t even critically think about it? My hand is up. There are some folks who I respect and catch myself rubber stamping what they’re saying sometimes – and that path leads to dangerous conclusions.

I suspect we are divided because we want to be, because it reinforces in our own minds that we have made the right choice in our affiliations, in who we call friends, in what we believe. The reason why compassion is so hard is that it often requires us to admit we’re not fully right, that the other person’s point of view or associations or choices may have some merit. I was watching two groups of friends and their respective tribes have it out on Facebook yesterday, which was immensely saddening to see. Both perspectives were partly correct and both perspectives were incomplete. As Stephen K. Hayes once said, the universe is big enough and wonderful enough to accommodate all of these paradoxical, different points of view.

If something is divided, the logical way to heal that division is to build a bridge. In order to build a bridge, you have to set foot on the other side. That’s what we have to evoke in ourselves, and doing so is a simple question that you can print out and tape to your desk wall:

If I wanted to, what can I find that’s good and right about the other side?

If you’re a liberal, ask yourself that. If you’re a conservative, ask yourself that. If you’re having an argument with the leader or followers of another personality online, ask yourself that. If you’re the leader of your own tribe, ask yourself that often and ask your tribe to question themselves frequently. Use your power, the power that others have granted you, to bridge gaps rather than widen them. That’s the responsibility that comes with the power.

Our mothers used to say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. These days, with the increased reach and power that we all have, I would ask you to take that a step further: find something nice to say even when you don’t want to. That’s the first step in building the bridge.


If you enjoyed this, please share it with your network!


Want to read more like this from ? Get daily updates now:


Get my book!

Subscribe to my free newsletter!


  • http://www.commandpartners.com/ BrandonUttley

    Chris, I feel like a lot of people as they gain “power” these days (through social media or otherwise), definitely lose touch with what “got them there” in the first place. You are wise to remind people to take a step back and look for ways to continually bridge the gaps and seek ways to support others, vs. burning bridges on the way up.

  • https://www.facebook.com/DakinAssociates Shaun Dakin

    Well said Christopher.

    I sent one tweet out Friday Morning that was retweeted over 40,000 times around the world.

    >> In one year, GUNS murdered 35 in Australia, 39 in England and Wales, 194 in Germany, 200 in Canada, and 9,484 in the United States. <<
    The level of vitriol from the Right Wing NRA folks made me afraid, very afraid.
    I have been called every word in the book, called un-patriotic, and told to go live somewhere else.
    Mostly I've been told "guns don't kill people, people kill people".
    Probably the best TWEET the NRA could have ever written.
    There was absolutely no attempt to have a discussion or listen to reason.
    The Right Wing has done everything that they can to destroy civil discourse in the United States.
    I used to think Civil Discourse was possible (heck I started a non profit Citizens for Civil Discourse) in the United States.
    I now think that civil discourse is gone and that the internet makes things worse, much worse.
    Shaun DakinFounder – The National Political Do Not Contact Registry @EndTheRobocallsFounder – Privacy Camp@PrivacyCamp

  • http://www.financialconflictcoach.com/ Dave-Financial Conflict Coach

    Christopher,

    I think the title of this- if written by an academic- would be “Confirmation Bias and Cognitive Dissonance in Group Dynamics”.

    But “Bridges” says so much more with less. Plus- because it’s not for academia- you were able to add a Star Wars reference! BONUS POINTS!